The Gift Exchange

Becca's Blog from the Left Coast hosted a great Christmas exchange. Yeah we got to open a present early! We loved all the treasures we got from Jen over at the Gordon Family.

The evil grin with the scisors is scary. Little brother has that look of, Mom is going to regret this later.

First out of the box, The snowman ornament. Yes, I am wondering why this kid has his shirt off and why his mother didn't ask him to put one on before taking pictures.

Max displays his favoirte Holiday card yet. He really loves that mouse.

A first aid kit, why would she think I need that? Just because of this? Well fine I am putting this in the car, I am sure it will come in handy.

Did I mention she is excellent? I love the chocolate. Now I am sorry that I let the kids help though, they will expect me to share.

This is also excellent, since she remembered me saying my husband went to KU and his most fond memory is of marching in the band and being pelted by Power Bars by K state fans. He mentioned something about using it as a dog training accident cleaner. I think I may give it to his mom to wear since he gives her so much grief over her love for the Cowboys and since purple is her favorite color.

Lastly go visit the other participants. I met a new blogging friend, Meg from Meg's Garden, through this exchange since I drew her name.

In good times and in bad.

I had one of those days of great heights, lowest lows and all the tangled emotions in between.

Today was the big symphony concert with Michael Martin Murphy. My husband is the manager of the symphony and is still in the first year of his job. As his wife, I hear all the worries, the frets the challenges. Today was great, a nearly sold out house, hundreds of first time visitors to a symphony concert, a great plug from Michael Martin Murphy about it being one of the best orchestras he has played with after more than 20 years and a 100 symphony concerts. He even thanked my husband (among others) on stage. It was a sweet moment and I couldn't help think how we have come so far from a few years ago, how it feels every day more and more like life is coming full circle.

As I went backstage to find my husband after the concert, I couldn't help beam in pride for my husband. However a few minutes later he shared some news with me that let me down. Hard. I wasn't sure how to react. As often happens with me, my mind races to all the worst possible scenarios and start to worry. I didn't have long for that since he then says come with me, Mr. Murphy wants to meet you. I must say he was just about one of the nicest people I have every met, quite frankly I expected that much from his music and stage presence, but still it was still wonderful to get that first hand experience.

Later as I had some more time to think I ponder how we handle this situation. How much money will this cost us? How will we pay for it? This may affect work, could it cost him his job? Then what will we do? Flashes of anger and embarrassment pass through my head all the while, keeping it in. I am with my brother, my sister in law and a friend, I wonder if I will have to explain to them what happened. What will happen as this all comes out? I have learned to hate being secretive, but know that not all things need to be shared in public either.

Tonight as we get home and have a chance to really talk, I am heartbroken that something happened to mar this day. This day of otherwise great success. While that negative voice in my head has mentioned to me how typical this all is, the anger is mostly gone already, realizing this heartache has some potential for some good as well. It could be the catalyst for some change I have been praying for. While the fears are still there, I don't feel overwhelmed, the great comforter has whispered some truths in my heart, he is in control, and while he does not always save us from the heartaches in life, especially those we make for ourselves, he will see us through. Right now I am feeling confident on stepping out on faith not letting fear overrun me. However I don't want to sound perfect, I know tomorrow and the next day and the day after that will certainly challenge us. So while I know you don't know exactly what for, I ask for prayers for us, to face the challenges that of straightening out this mistake.

Our Newest Family Member

Saturday night my mom called and said she needed help catching some puppies dumped by her house that were near the highway. Don't get me started on that subject! Jerks. I send hubby to help since he could get there more quickly and wouldn't you know it, he fell in love. A friend is taking the other pup home on Christmas Eve for his kiddos. She looks like a German Shepard mix. A bit timid at first, she is romping around the house getting into a little bit of mischief today.

On the left is Zach and Seargent Pepper, our one year old dog. On the right is Max and our new puppy, Rigby.

Max wants to carry her around and she is too big for that. In fact she is almost as big as Sarge, a cocker spaniel dachhound mix, or cocktail weinie as we like to call him.

Isn't she sweet? Now I just have to get her to the vet and all that.

Infinite Grace 2008

Oh, life has been a whirlwind lately. Isn't that always the case, especially as the holidays approach?

Before I update on current events I was recently revisiting some memories and want to share.

Three years ago I climbed into a car with my mom and one of her best friends to head to Phoenix for the weekend. I was apprehensive and nervous. We were heading to a Woman's conference, and while I was excited about the trip. I wasn't excited about the drive. I knew at some point I was going to get questioned by my mom and her friend (who I have know the better part of my life) about what was going on with me. If my husband and I were going to get divorced or if I was going to take him back. We were in the middle of a separation at the time. He was finally starting to make a turn around and I was trying to make it work, but not compromise. Hard time. I knew my mom and her friend, were incensed on my behalf and wanted me to not get hurt again.

There was another group of ladies going with us. One climbed in our car for a while and boy was I glad, since that would take the pressure off me. As we got to talking she told us her story about how her husband had an affair and the ensuing aftermath and how a few years later they were both remarried and attending the same church and navigating the co parenting arena. I felt bad because as I listened to her story, I stared out my window as the tears quietly rolled down my face. I couldn't face her or speak for fear of completely losing it and making a fool of myself. Her story hit too close to home, the possiblilty of this being my future.

When we got to the conference, I recall timidly singing along with the singers in the beginning. Realizing that I just entered an arena full of approx 12,000 women. I recall when the first speaker got up, she talked about how she had been on one of those Christian TV networks and I remember skeptically thinking, oh she is one of "those" people. As Sheila Walsh continued she detailed a mental breakdown and how her life was really transformed by God, Istarted to change my mind. Maybe these speakers, these singers would be someone I could relate to. By the time we started back home, I was better able to speak honestly with my mom and her friend about what was going on in my life and how my husband I were still working toward healing. After listening to the many stories of God's grace, I had the courage to do what did not seem like the easy option and forgive my husband and myself and move on with our marriage.

We went again last year, by then I had moved back to where my parents live, with my husband and was still embarking on a new life. At the time, I think my husband was starting a new job after his first endeavor hadn't gone well. We had just weathered one of those tests where I thought I was going to lose him again to that terrible Balrog of depression. This year, I couldn't help marvel at how much my life changes every time I go. As I laugh, cry and dance throughout the conference, I cannot help but feel so renewed at the end. The speakers are always so open to tell about their trials, failures, and subsequent successes. Never do I feel preached at by someone who just doesn't get what my life is about.

Here are a couple of links to some of my favorite segments from this years Women of Faith conference. Whether it is listening to spunky Patsy Clairmont speak, Sandi Patty bringing the house down with her husband, Nicole C. Mullins rocking it, or Anita Renfroe making me laugh, I had a great time.

I also can't help but thank my mom for including my sister and I and paying our way on these trips. Enjoying some time with them is always special. We already have tickets for next year, for the Phoenix conference in October. They meet all over the country and I highly recommend attending one near you. Of course I would always welcome you joining our group in Phoenix.