When I Get Where I am Going

Have you ever realized you were doing exactly the same thing last year or the year before and wondered about the pattern? I found myself doing that yesterday. I was typing up an obituary for my grandfather three years ago and oddly enough I found myself writing one for his wife, my dear Nanny three years to the day later. Odd how that works out.

I will always remember and have a slight ache for these people. I am the eldest grandchild, some would claim more spoiled that the most. Of course all those people are younger than me and I could point how in my eyes they stole some of my attention, but I digress. ; )

I have a cousin only 6 weeks younger and when we were old enough they started taking us for camping trips. I think around the age of 4 or 5, we would load up in their motor home and go the the mountains or a lake. Pa pa used to like to tell how we were asking Nanny to fix us a snack before we hit the city limit sign. I wonder if I would still enjoy a can of beanie weenies so much.

On Saturdays they would call and we would all go over and he would load us up in the van and take us to Roswell and we would go to K-Mart, which usually meant some snacks we didn't get at home like an Icee and if we were lucky a new toy. By this time that might mean taking 6 or 7 kids. I don't recall my mom asking them to watch us much, I remember it being the other way around, them calling to see if we could come over.

I remember realizing with this side of the family we were a bit redneck. They were both from Oklahoma. Nanny was the daughter of a preacher who married the boy from the wrong side of the tracks. Pa pa's family were had some rascally habits by the stories my mom tells. One of them paints his father as a man who was kicked out of the New Mexico Territory for preaching on street corners, collecting and offering and then using the money in the bar. Where as Nanny's dad was a respectable preacher named King David. I was always fascinated by that name until she told me that she had an Uncle named XYZ since he was the last kid.

Christmas was big at their house that is where we spent Christmas morning. Nanny had a big Sears catalog and we would spend hours going through it writing our names next to stuff we wanted. Then we would spend days trying to guess what was in the boxes under the tree. One year I had decided based on the shape, size and weight that she had got me the Crayola Caddy I put my name by. However oddly enough on Christmas morning that present was no where to be found, she had hid it, since I was such a smart alec and figured it out.The three of us at my brothers wedding.

We were all welcome anytime, if you knocked on the door before entering you would get razzed. We would drop by with dates in high school or our friends, we were always welcome. Sunday dinners after church with food supplied by Colonel Sanders, then we would fall asleep watching T.V. Their house was the hub for birthday parties, holiday parties, and any day of the week dropping by.

Gamely wearing the ballon hat I made at the family reunion.

I felt a very tight bond with Nanny, and I know most of my cousins would say the same. Although I think out of all my grandparents I am the most like her. She could be stubborn and tough, but full of laughter. We all teased each other and having a quick wit was a requirement around her. The last conversation I had with her, we laughed about how I met one of her former home nurses who gushed about how much she loved my Nanny because when she asked her to do something she didn't want to she replied I am old and I don't give a damn. Even though I have know this day was coming for over a year, it still takes my breath away to realize she is gone now.

With my nice and nephew and one of my favorite photographs of her.

The funeral is Friday morning and we want to celebrate the Legacy my grandparents left us, especially her. We have laughed and cried all day with stories and remembering. My cousin spilled red nail polish on the carpet and as we cleaned it up, I told him she is up in heaven saying those darn kids, I leave for ten minutes and you make a mess.

I love you Nanny and know I'll see you again. Have that can of beanie weenies ready okay?

A New Addition to the Family

Isn't he cute!
His name is Sgt. Pepper affectionately called Sarge.

Many have asked his breed. He is a Cocktail Wienie. I don't know if this breed is recognized by AKC, since we made up the name. He is half Cocker Spaniel and half stray Wiener Dog.
(I have to give credit to Ben, I was calling him a Cocker Wienie, a much more suggestive name.)

I think he is perfect, he was the last pick of the litter. No one wanted him, but he is perfect for us, the other puppies had long hair like their mother. Short hair is preferable to us with all the desert flora around our place.

Any dog training advice appreciated, this is our first dog of our family, although the hubster and I had dogs as kids that has been a while.

The boys have already figured out he likes to slide at the park.

He gets cold and needs to cuddle. How sweet.

Since he will chew toys, the boys have been more apt to pick their stuff up.

Now I am living with four male creatures, possibly five because who knows what the hermit crab is. Maybe I will have to buy some more hens this spring so I can have the majority.

A Night Out In Alientown

We found out the hubby actually gets a pair of tickets to the symphony and since he is busy working I guess it pays to have a guest.  After last night I decided perhaps my next guest, myself and the general public need to  a refresher course in concert etiquette.  

Note: These are not the rules I follow when I got to Metallica or Maiden concerts then whatever I say here reverse that.

No you don't have time to go to Hobby Lobby between dinner and the concert because when you say you only need one thing that is a lie. When you show up late they shut the doors on you and won't let you in. It was an Indiana Jones fly through the door before it shut.  Note to self: try to convince her it is closed if you take her next time.

However I do think it is okay to giggle when the audience sits down after the Star-Spangled Banner and it sounds like 500 people just sat on a whoopee cushion since the seats had a weird tendency to deflate upon seating.

Try not to remember the last time you were in this particular auditorium since it was during rat week of your failed military school career.

Your best pit stained Big Dog T-Shirt perhaps is slightly too casual. I do appreciate you expanding your horizons.Try the one that looks like a fake tuxedo shirt next time, much more appro pro.

You may wonder if your brain has been totally corrupted by mass media if during the lovely music you try to remember what Bugs Bunny was doing during that song and you can imagine all the instrumentalists Simpsonized.

Intermission is for going to the restroom, not during the next piece.  Although I can only surmise you really needed to go or wanted to compete with the tubist after the emissions as you got up.  (Those were not from the seat, I have good pitch and a sense of smell.)

It is probably okay when you hear a collective sigh of relief when the host for the evening explains that they are only doing one piece of an eighteen hour opera. 

Try to refrain from exclaiming loudly to your elderly friend "The next soloist is a Chinese Man"  Please, that is not the preferred nomenclature, Asian-American please, since he was  Korean actually.

Feel free to giggle about the fact that when I spell checked this entry it wanted to replace tubist with tubbiest.  (Love you honey!)

I Don't Even Like to Wear Aprons.

I think I got the writing bug back, I have been blogging in my mind again, it had been a while.  (So beware, He He Haw Haw.)

The previously mentioned problem that I was stuck on, I decided needs to get broken up a bit into a few entries to deal with.  I'll start with the easiest aspect of it.

I am no longer working.  Technically I can go back to substitute teaching whenever I want, but I don't have any immediate plans of doing so.  I have a hard time being unemployed, even by choice.  I suppose it just rubs me the wrong way.  As my sister and I were discussing it, she mentioned not feeling like we are contributing.  Which is of course ridiculous, while not glamorous, taking care of our families is work.  However I wonder is it a job?

I have a few feelings about that.  Truth be told I am not treating it like I would a job, which is part of the problem.  I don't think I have ever been so unorganized in my life.  I could blame part of that on living in a small space with not enough real room to do what all I have going on.  Of course I just internalize it and think maybe I am not cut out for this.

The reality is that I am so busy that at times I feel overwhelmed.  I don't sit around watching TV all day.  I am happy if I get to watch a show I want during the day once a week.  Getting Zach to school and back, keeping up with Max,  helping take care of my grandmothers and the volunteering I signed up for keep me very busy.  Not to mention things like housework, cleaning out the old house, ebay and getting all the things done I need to do for my landscaping business.

Since I am not walking into a place of employment every day, getting a regular paycheck and having an answer when someone asks what I do, I feel inferior.  I had read an article a while back lambasting women who go to college get a degree go to  work for a while and then stay home with their kids and either lose their careers or set themselves back from their peers by getting out of the workforce.

Will I regret not having a work sponsered retirement plan?  We could really use the extra income. I wonder if I have gotten too tied up in having it all. Am I making a poor choice for the long term? God forbid, but what if I need to be the breadwinner and this choice sets me back?

I won't lie I worry about getting the kind of job I want when someone looks at my resume and sees the gaps in employment when I have stayed home.  I also won't lie about daydreaming of staying home when I was working and tired and feeling like I needed more time with my boys. In my dream world I have my own business with my own schedule, however I am scared because it is a big risk.

I have been praying about the right path and to be frank I didn't like the answer I got, right now stay home.  Even still  I scheduled a day subbing and quite frankly the day was a disaster in terms of babysitting and things going on at home.   While no one in my family asked me to, I told them I was taking a break that day from subbing.  At the time, one grandmother was in the hospital, my mom was sick and not sleeping much since she was staying in the hospital room with my her.  Then just as the one grandmother got to come home from the hospital the other was hospitalized for a few nights.

Now I spend at least two to three days a week with my grandmothers while Z is in school and I am going to going to work on my ebay store and landscaping business. I am not complaining just stating the facts.  One of my grandmothers is dying and I appreciate the time with her. The other isn't technically dying but is 84 and who knows what God has in store for her.

I have to wonder in light of that fact, why I even worry about it.  Taking care of family is what the generations of women before me did.  Luckily that is not the only thing in life I have been pigeonholed for, I have so many options.  I have faith in God's time I will be very successful, and put that degree to use again. I have faith financial securtiy is in my reach.  I  should simply enjoy my toddler, my preschooler and grandmothers because soon the kids will be in school and the grandmothers in heaven.