White Hot Magik

Z is anxiously awaiting Christmas. Every day since we put the tree up, he asks is Santa coming tonight? Max is excited and really wants to play with the ornaments, and packages but he doesn't understand Santa yet. On the way home from the store the other night I took a detour to see some of the lights downtown, the boys ooohed and aahed over the trees decorate near the library.

I do have to admit that I really enjoying being able to look at the world again through my Children's eyes. I watch them enjoy the simple pleasures and can't help but think how I very nearly missed out on this joy.

I didn't really think I wanted kids. I liked kids, if there were small kids in the room, I loved playing with them and holding them. I also really liked that I could give them back to momma. However for various reasons I didn't think I wanted any.

KM and her announcement reminded of a Christmas night about 5 years back. The hubby and I were visiting his parents for the Holidays. We snuck out of the house and drove up the mountain in our truck and parked, talking and enjoying the snow outside the window. We were talking about life and things and the subject of kids came up, the hubby said one of must be broken, since due to medical reasons I had quit using the pill three years before we had become lax and completely quit using anything. We honestly thought we couldn't have kids and neither of us were concerned enough to see a doctor. However suddenly I was overcome with sorrow at the thought. Here I was the girl who vehemently protested wanting kids, crying because maybe I couldn't have any.

Ironically as best as you can calculate those things, it's probable I had become pregnant that very night. I remember about 6 weeks later when I figured it out, I was beside myself with fear at the thought. I called my mother bawling, of course she was ecstatic, but I wasn't sure what to make of it. I still didn't know, I was really scared. I'll admit that in the first few moments I considered some of the legal options, but quickly dismissed them. That was my child! My mother bear instincts kicked in nearly immediately.

I still don't know if I would have decided to ever have kids, if God hadn't decided for me. I am glad he did, it has been one of the most special adventures I have ever undertaken. To think I wasn't brave enough to try it on my own.

I can't believe I might not have ever met these little guys!

My aunt thinks this Christmas miracle was related to my mother's gift that year. Since none of us were going to be at her house she gave us all money towards buying new mattress. My husband and I decided to use it as down payment on a used truck instead. (It had a bed.) Strangely I was soon pregnant and so was my sister-in-law. My aunt says that there was a reason Mom wanted to give us all beds, and her ploy to finally get grandkids worked!