"I can't believe another year is past...."

I am curious if this phenomenon happen to you.  Do you think of the most profound, moving or funny blog entries at times when it is impossible to write them?  Only to have them evaporate into thin air?

 

If only I could type while in the shower, driving, or trying to decide between getting up or sleeping more in the morning.  You would be amazed at what leaked out of my mind.  Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a usb connect right to my head and then I could filter and edit it later.  It is a scary thought on so many levels, and I bet even if it was only limited to me, you are very glad this technology isn't available.  It's bad enough reading my conscious thoughts and ramblings.

 

 

I am sure you have realized it is that time of year again.  Currently I have a vow, to simply enjoy the holidays.  I know it's crazy but I am going to get done what I can, buy what I can afford and try and have a good time.  I'll check back in with you about that.

 

This morning in bed I came up with a pretty good idea for my Christmas cards.  I don't think they are too much of a pain, but we will see. I am planning on making a test one later today.  If it doesn't go well, I'll go buy cards. (part of my vow.)

 

I have been trying to come up with my holiday letter.  Yes I write a newsletter.  I try to make them funny, and I am told people secretly look forward to them. And for once it isn't just the voices in my head.   I like to read holiday newsletters.  I don't know about you but there are so many friends that don't care to write much  and even if it is once a year, I want to know how they are doing. 

 

Every year it seems like you read about this in Ann Landers or somewhere.  Dear Ann -- I hate newsletters why do all these crappy people insist on wasting my precious time with the inane dribble about how little Tommy managed to finally make a goal at soccer?  or Dear Ann -- Why do my nieces insist on sending me those typewritten newsletters about their family? Why can't they write it out long hand?  After all I took the time to handwrite them a note about how my bunions are cleared up and all my friends at the senior center love line dancing.

 

My point is we all have inane (or in some cases, insane) dribble we go on an on about.  However it is a method of keeping us connected.  Yes it would be nice if we did it more than at Christmas.  Let's face it not everyone wants to communicate that much.  Either that or no one likes me since that is about the only time it seems like they are willing to catch up.  I joke about being insecure, but I imagine that in most cases it is just an overload, we all have so much going on in our lives, it is hard to stop and write. 

 

Which brings me to my current dilemma.  I want to get my holiday newsletter started.  I usually try to avoid bragging, and inject a bit of humor while giving the basic news.  I always include pictures of the boys.    However I can't help but think the family wants an answer to the bigger question?  What is going on with you and the hubby?  I know a holiday newsletter isn't the time or place, plus I am not ready to make a public statement.  However it seems like the newsletter will ring false with everyone, because they know all is not well at our house, and the jokes will fall flat.  It's funny, I know one of the major complaints about these newsletter is that they are fake, or lack any real communication.  Yet I know real and honest might be a bit too shocking, not a bit funny, not a bit appreciated.  I can't help but think of the cousins this summer that emailed me updates on them and asked the common, How are you?  I replied and tried to be matter of fact about our separation.  I told nothing scandalous, I don't think I was bitter, but I was probably sad.  Strangely they never replied.  I guess they didn't know what to say, or wished I hadn't shared the basics.  We aren't doing well, our boat is capsized and we are furiously paddling for shore and aren't sure we will end up together.  Please keep us in your prayers.

 

Life is bitter, sweet, funny and tragic. It is hard to genuinely express this in our letters.  Maybe that is the really complaint, they aren't genuine enough.  Maybe the bigger question is why some of us have such a hard time being truly genuine with friends and family? I guess other people's problems remind us too much of our own, and none of us want to be left hanging if the other person doesn’t want to reply.

 

There I go again, forgetting my goal, to keep Christmas fun and simple.   Maybe I should simply say:

 We are doing okay,

we get up and try every day,

not every day goes well, 

not every day is bad,

 some things  still make us giggle,

 Hopefully if we keep trusting God it will all work out. 

 

That or,

My kids are cuter than yours,

 but don't feel too bad I am living in a small apartment and it's a big mess,

but hey we can't all be perfect or something equally sarcastic. ; )