There is such a thing as too much togetherness!

I am having trouble deciding where to start.

Do I explain my absence?

Do I start in on a heavy topic?

Go for the funny?

I guess I'll start with the first and decide on the rest later.

I realized it has been a few days since I have posted. *ahem weeks*

No one has left me any desperate inquires. *knock knock are you still alive
in there?*

You may have thought I joined the ranks of those who have dropped off the
blogosphere without warning. *Hint Hint Jeanie.*

Really the problem is that my computer access has been limited of late, the
time I have had was spent trying to make every extra spare dime on ebay
possible.

Why? Well for the last three weeks the hubby and I have both been
unemployed. Well not really, technically I am employed. I had signed up to
substitute teach before my husband resigned. It just doesn't feel like a
real job. So I started taking assignments, he looked for work and played
stay at home daddy. I scrambled to get all my listings up on ebay and work
and clean. Did I mention he has a text twist and mine sweeper addiction. So
I had to share the computer with him.

I was told I make the children share so I have to too. Sounds illogical to
me.

Good news though, he started work yesterday.

Bad news it is a pretty huge paycut while he is training and so I will be
continuing to sub.

Good news is that give me some days to maybe take some time and write while
I am doing working. For instance today I am watching the In School
Suspension kids at the junior high. There is only one and they are refusing
help so I am free to do as I please. Aren't you lucky??

Why can't we just be friends? Come on please?

As my life seems to evolve more around the cyberworld, I wonder about our real life interactions.

I know when I came here and starting blogging it soon became my biggest window to the outside world.  I felt strange at first.  Thinking I should have more "real life" friends.  However I was in one of those transition times when my real life friends and I weren't that close anymore.  My best friend had moved away and my other friends were childless and busy with other things, not hanging out at my house watching my kid drool.

Family and friends were too busy to write an actual email instead of forwards. I had a goal of writing one person a day, few felt like they had time to respond.  Talking on the phone was  a challenge  with two little guys to chase after or get into mischief while mommy's distracted. 

Mommies at the park seemed aloof with that judging looks in their eyes.  Seriously did she let her son wear a superman cape and cowboy boots? He isn't going to fit in at school.  That kid didn't wait his turn, even though she got on to him, we can't be playing together.  On the days I felt included enough to listen in, my fears were confirmed by what they said about other moms.  So then I joined the fringes the moms who smile politely at the other moms but don't really try to make friends because you never know if they are a mommy shark or not.

Soon I realized that this was my adult conversations, my place to vent and try to figure life out.  I could be more open than I would be with my family and my friends.  If  someone judged me.. well it still hurt but it was easier to not to continue the friendship.  Luckily I have never been popular enough to attract more than one troll.  Unlike some of my more popular cyber friends, who are troll magnets.

The more mommy websites I see and join or blogs I read it seems that there are so many people like me.  Looking for a "real" connection, a conversation the passes the accepted "How are you" with the expected reply of "Fine, How are you, " without any connection and no meaning.  Help my husband won't take the kids by himself and I am exhausted.  I saw one post recently that was titled My husband hates me.  I thought it is great we have a place to vent because the reality is you can't go venting that to your casual girlfriends that is for sure, and surely not to Mom or Best Friend who may hold it against him long after you have worked it out.

But then I wonder, if so many of us are looking for that real connection, the ones that mean something why can't we do it in non cyber life?  Wouldn't it be nicer if when you went to the park with your kids and you made friends instead of stayed on the sidelines.  Surely some of those women have to be the some ones struggling just like me on those web pages.  Why do we as people judges each other so harshly?  Why can't we strip down the things we are worried about others thinking of us and just be?