As my life seems to evolve more around the cyberworld, I wonder about our real life interactions.
I know when I came here and starting blogging it soon became my biggest window to the outside world. I felt strange at first. Thinking I should have more "real life" friends. However I was in one of those transition times when my real life friends and I weren't that close anymore. My best friend had moved away and my other friends were childless and busy with other things, not hanging out at my house watching my kid drool.
Family and friends were too busy to write an actual email instead of forwards. I had a goal of writing one person a day, few felt like they had time to respond. Talking on the phone was a challenge with two little guys to chase after or get into mischief while mommy's distracted.
Mommies at the park seemed aloof with that judging looks in their eyes. Seriously did she let her son wear a superman cape and cowboy boots? He isn't going to fit in at school. That kid didn't wait his turn, even though she got on to him, we can't be playing together. On the days I felt included enough to listen in, my fears were confirmed by what they said about other moms. So then I joined the fringes the moms who smile politely at the other moms but don't really try to make friends because you never know if they are a mommy shark or not.
Soon I realized that this was my adult conversations, my place to vent and try to figure life out. I could be more open than I would be with my family and my friends. If someone judged me.. well it still hurt but it was easier to not to continue the friendship. Luckily I have never been popular enough to attract more than one troll. Unlike some of my more popular cyber friends, who are troll magnets.
The more mommy websites I see and join or blogs I read it seems that there are so many people like me. Looking for a "real" connection, a conversation the passes the accepted "How are you" with the expected reply of "Fine, How are you, " without any connection and no meaning. Help my husband won't take the kids by himself and I am exhausted. I saw one post recently that was titled My husband hates me. I thought it is great we have a place to vent because the reality is you can't go venting that to your casual girlfriends that is for sure, and surely not to Mom or Best Friend who may hold it against him long after you have worked it out.
But then I wonder, if so many of us are looking for that real connection, the ones that mean something why can't we do it in non cyber life? Wouldn't it be nicer if when you went to the park with your kids and you made friends instead of stayed on the sidelines. Surely some of those women have to be the some ones struggling just like me on those web pages. Why do we as people judges each other so harshly? Why can't we strip down the things we are worried about others thinking of us and just be?
5 comments:
I like the Prickly Pears. There is a lot of flowering "desertscape" I would like to try at my golf course, but my boss is clueless. I keep those ideas to myself now. I'll pull them out when he leaves.
I think everyone on my PPE list would be welcome at my house. They would be friends in the non-blog world.
I think a lot of us feel that way. I have always been surrounded by good friends but since having kids, it has been difficult to form friendships that aren't based around the little ones. That is where my mommy blogging friends come in. It is about the kids but it's also about so much more!
I understand how you feel. Blogging was weird at first but you get to know so many people and what they truly are (or what they post!). Plus, working at home makes things a little more challenging since you are most likely on the computer more than any where else. Thanks for your insight. I look forward to reading more.
I love the new look.
I often struggle with my friendships. Many of my old friends live far away, and outside of work I tend to be like a hermit. I miss close friends. I now count my husband as my best friend.
Ahhh... I am a troll magnet - or should I say ... was!
I recently heard something that struck me as important: Real Relationships Happen in Person.
So this whole cyber-space, blog writting, online dating fiasco I find myself in... truly isn't REAL. Certainly... a caring for those I have come across occurs and continues too... but I think that in order to have a real bond with someone - family or non-family - it has to happen in person. Everything else is established on surrealism... a world that doesn't truly exist but only we talk about it. The bonds of respect and perhaps if lucky enough friendship are established but I think that's as far as it goes.
Blogging has been a phenominal outlet and has its moments of glory and failure. But its not really REAL. It becomes real when you can put a real face to the name.
Just my two cents... and only because I care!!! Hope you are well Nora... take good care of yourself!
BTW... are you all moved into your new home yet? How is that going?
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