Who knows the plans he has for me?

I wasn't going to post about this because quite frankly it hurts still.

I already lost my awesome job. While out on our rounds on Monday and Tuesday, they lost a several hundred acres and I could tell it worried my new employer. She said it usually evens out, but on Friday she called and said the rest of the week hadn't produced any more and she was afraid that was going to have to be the end for now, it was too big of a hit for them to support having me on as well.

Of course I worry about what I did wrong. Logic tells me that I didn't do anything but still my mind can think of a billion stupid things.

This week I have had two friends in California laid off, and know the hits to their family is far worse than the hit mine is taking.

Of course the reality is that we have a money situation facing us that I know is going to put us in the hole if we have to rely on our current incomes. I really do need a job that is providing me with more work that subbing is right now.

So all weekend long in quiet moments I obsess about which not as ideal job as the last one should I apply for. This morning I literally wake up worrying and have knots in my stomach about what is coming up this week. I pray as I work in my garden, getting out some frustration, I tell God which job I think is best and why... wondering what will happen... how will we pay this bill now. I want answers about why this great opportunity was dangled in my face and so abruptly taken away.

I try to enter church on Sunday mornings with a clean heart and clean conscious. I think I need to read and pray before church today. As I open my bible Jeremiah, 29:11 comes to mind, I wonder why? I am only on chapter 2 of Jeremiah. So I look it up and remember making a graphic of this verse as a present for a friend.

I feel a peace come over me as I try to remember that while I may not be in control right now, someone far more powerful is, who has seen me through much much worse circumstances.

Then I was checking out Renee Swope's Blog, The Journey of my Heart, and it was dead on for me this weekend. Writing on Phillipians 4:5-7 she states "In the NIV translation, Verse 7 says, "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Oh that God's peace would transcend my need to understand! Sometimes that is my biggest problem, I can accept what God is doing if He'd just help me understand why He's doing it that way." Wow, that describes me to a T!

So I felt moved to share from place of hurt, because I am sure I am not the only one wondering why? What will I do now? What did I do wrong? I know trusting that I am in the right place doing the right thing is so very very hard when things don't go my way.

I also found this graphic I had made while looking for the one from Jeremiah. I really cannot think of a better conclusion than this, and marvel how when I asked for peace about this situation how many great examples I happened across this morning.