Hallmark Holiay Sentiments

My husband and I have never been big celebrators of VD day as we like to call it, at least not since high school. 

 

Why?  It's a pain to go and try and have dinner that night and well I guess in some ways we aren't that big on romance in general.

 

I bet the light bulb is popping over someone's head, thinking this could be part of your problem Nora, a little romance never killed anyone.

 

Tell that to Romeo and Juliet....

 

I can be trite and cite all those little things we like to say:

"You should appreciate your loved ones every day"

"I don't need a fabricated holiday to remind me to be nice to those I love."

 

But then again, if I came home tonight to a bouquet of roses and chocolate, I wouldn't cry either, it always feels nice to be appreciated.

 

I have been thinking quite a bit lately about how much my life has changed romantically in the last year.  "I love my husband because (blank)" has popped into my head and out of my mouth more frequently lately.

 

Last year around this time was our first big blow out.  The one where he got really mad at me and took his ring off and put it in the drawer and told me he thought we were through and disappeared the rest of the weekend. We got over that day and had a few more blowouts and eventually did separate and then we have gotten back together.  A lot has changed in twelve months.

 

Little Max is having problems and biting a lot at school.  In fact he was very nearly kicked out,  I think the director was concerned that since life at home hasn't been ideal*, he is acting out something from home. (*The impending move, dad's job change, mom's stress)  I think they daycare may be a bit of a component as well,  when he bites or hits, he has to play with the teacher alone.  I picked him the other day after an incident and he was happily coloring with one teacher while the rest of the kids were outside.  Me thinks he may have a reason to get in trouble.

 

I was thinking about it, and while we are not perfect, I think as parents and as marriage partners, we have come a long way baby. His parents aren't fighting, or holding anger in, his dad is playing with him all the time.  Mommy makes sure we do something together every day.  He's almost two and has found an inappropriate way to express himself, he's not a future Hannibal Lector. (I hope)  So we took them out of daycare to save some money and hopefully help Max get over it.

 

Right this minute, the hubby is at home playing Mr. Mom, and I am at work.  A complete reversal from last year.  I don't know if I could have imagined him taking care of the kids like that, much less wanting to.  He's not bad at it either, it was complete with dishwashing, going to the store and cooking dinner last night.  Z and I did valentines cards while all that was going on  I couldn't help but think, I don't need a better valentine than that right there. 

Chocolate, Chile and Clear Blue Skies

My best friend invited me to a pampered chef party tonight, it was billed as a chocolate pampered chef party and quite frankly she had me at chocolate.

 

Like my favorite chocolate, life is somewhat bittersweet right now. 

 

I haven't been around spaces or the internet in general much lately. There is a lot going on, and not just with beauty stuff, but I"ll try to get you an update with pictures of the grey mare soon.

 

We are moving back home.  When my husband first mentioned it around Christmas, I said sure, but I didn't really think he was serious.

 

He's serious.  He has resigned his teaching job and we are moving to my hometown.  We don't have jobs yet, but are confident something will work out soon, we both have apps in for various jobs.  Hell, we'll work at the evil conglomerate if we have to.

 

We are going to live in a mobile home while we renovate a house. Luckily it is out in the country and we can park the mobile home near the house.  I vowed to never buy a mobile home when I was younger.  (What is that saying? Never say Never?) At least it is only temporary, I think.

 

I'll miss Las Cruces, and to be quite frank this isn't all the easy for me.  Maybe not for reasons you think.  Since I graduated high school I have lived here on and off. It's my second hometown if you will.  I had my first real job here, my first real apartment, my first hearbreak.  We've moved away before but I guess this time I really intend to put down roots and know I may never come back here to live.

 

As I was driving to my friends house, and I was passing farms and orchards and passed two of my favorite restaurants, I was lamenting all the unique things here that I will miss.  A certain part of my heart lives here.  My husband asked me a while back why I loved it here so much.  I had a hard time giving a verbal reply, my corazon just loves it here.  The mountains are gorgeous, the chile is hot, the skys are bright blue and vibrant.  Las Cruces in some ways represent the best of New Mexico. It's the old west, cowboys, indians and mexicans all mixed together. 

 

That is changing though, Las Cruces is growing rapidly, it has for the last 15 years.  It's a mecca for retirees because of the the mild climate and relatively cheap housing.   The farms are rapidly becoming subdivisions and the old houses in the barrio are getting too expensive for the people who live there to pay their property taxes.  I would bet in a few more years, I may not recgonize the place.

 

The reality is the place I am going to is just as beloved to me.  In a way choosing places to live is like asking me to choose between my mother and my father or between my children.  Making the choice hurts, because I love them both. There are mountains and valleys there.  Plenty of those pecans orchards, cotton, alfalfa and chile fields there too. People don't like their chile as hot, but they still eat plenty of it. 

 

Grandmas with cancer,

tia grandes to kiss my kids,

azul skies to garden under,

cousins to get lost in the pasture with,

a place where people all know who I am,

old friendships to rekindle,

horses to tell your problems too,

maybe even a few chickens scratching around

 

Sometimes life is too grand, I am lucky to have such wonderful places to live,  es verdad?

 

 

Dictionary....

chile -- not the stew, the pepper

corazon -- heart

tia grande -- great aunts

es verdad -- isn't it true?

Naps

I am supposed to be taking a nap.

My dreams are keeping me awake.

Some might have seen a trash heap.

Everything needs to be gutted.

I saw possibilities.

A tongue and groove ceiling.

A shop.

A studio.

Old jars and ebay fodder.

Is it possible that from the wreck of this house we can renewed?

The foundation is good, the framing is solid.

Can we rebuild and repair?

End up with something better than new?

I'm designing in my mind.

I shouldn't do the garden first....

but I see a kitchen garden, a field of lavender and definitely some Salvia leucantha.

I feel renewed, and I didn't even get that nap.

The old grey mare, ain't what she used to be.

I have mentioned in the past that I am a bit of a tomboy.  I've been this way as long as I can remember. 

 

I don't really know when it started but I don't recall ever being girly.  My mom made us wear dresses to church and all, but from candid pictures it would appear that I was adept at getting mussed up.  While my younger sister would spend lots of time on her hair, even in grade school. 

 

Perhaps because of those tendencies, my hair was generally cut short.  I remember wanting to be a rodeo clown really badly and going through a phase where I had different colored bandanas tied to my belt loops on my cut off shorts.  I have pictures where I looked like a boy in a girls outfit, short hair going every direction.  (I will post if I can find it.)

 

In my adult life I have probably gone some pretty extended periods of time wearing no makeup, wearing mostly just men's clothing and really not caring about my looks the way most girls do. I'd finally let my hair grow long, but it was in a barrette, clip or ponytail most of the time. I'd bet a few people were probably surprised I liked boys. (No offence Q and S, but I did try to stay away from the 10 Lesbian Hair Styles I read about at a friends house, she had it as a style guide.)

 

In the last few years I have tried to be better, I quit wearing t-shirts all the time and opt for something sort of women's tee from old navy or target.  I have the habit of buying the same style in several colors.  I have colored my hair and tried for more fashionable hair styles.  Only some of my pants and shoes are from the men's department.

 

Last week I purchased an eye shadow kit and have even worn it to work, so I could ask the ladies in the office if I did it right.  I was afraid I was going to look like Mimi from Drew Carey since it had green shadow in it. Normally I stick to skin tones like pink and taupe.

 

Lately I have quit coloring my hair at the recommendation of my stylist because since I don't wear hats often enough and I was going lighter than my natural color the color would sun fade and turn all funky. I went short to cut off all the old color. Then I got the bright idea to see how much snow was on top of old smoky.  More than I would like at 33 for sure, I would estimate to be 20% grey.  I have been polling my coworkers on whether or not I should go back to coloring, mixed opinions.  Some days it is not too noticeable if my hair curls nicely.  (You girls with naturally curly hair know what I am talking about.)  Right now a bad hair day is  one hundred times worse because it always seems like the grey is showing more.  Oddly enough, those are also my fattest days as well, I think I visually gain 50 pounds.

 

In the last 6 weeks based on random comments from strangers I don't know what to think. 

 

• One lady asked me if I was in college.  She was sitting right next to my grey hair.  (Yes, she made my day.)

 

• One very young server at Sonic called me sir, until I faced him, then he apologized profusely.

 

• Yesterday the nurse at the doctor's office didn't ask me when my last menstrual period was, she queried, "do you still get them?"

 

Where did I put that box of hair dye?