I Don't Even Like to Wear Aprons.

I think I got the writing bug back, I have been blogging in my mind again, it had been a while.  (So beware, He He Haw Haw.)

The previously mentioned problem that I was stuck on, I decided needs to get broken up a bit into a few entries to deal with.  I'll start with the easiest aspect of it.

I am no longer working.  Technically I can go back to substitute teaching whenever I want, but I don't have any immediate plans of doing so.  I have a hard time being unemployed, even by choice.  I suppose it just rubs me the wrong way.  As my sister and I were discussing it, she mentioned not feeling like we are contributing.  Which is of course ridiculous, while not glamorous, taking care of our families is work.  However I wonder is it a job?

I have a few feelings about that.  Truth be told I am not treating it like I would a job, which is part of the problem.  I don't think I have ever been so unorganized in my life.  I could blame part of that on living in a small space with not enough real room to do what all I have going on.  Of course I just internalize it and think maybe I am not cut out for this.

The reality is that I am so busy that at times I feel overwhelmed.  I don't sit around watching TV all day.  I am happy if I get to watch a show I want during the day once a week.  Getting Zach to school and back, keeping up with Max,  helping take care of my grandmothers and the volunteering I signed up for keep me very busy.  Not to mention things like housework, cleaning out the old house, ebay and getting all the things done I need to do for my landscaping business.

Since I am not walking into a place of employment every day, getting a regular paycheck and having an answer when someone asks what I do, I feel inferior.  I had read an article a while back lambasting women who go to college get a degree go to  work for a while and then stay home with their kids and either lose their careers or set themselves back from their peers by getting out of the workforce.

Will I regret not having a work sponsered retirement plan?  We could really use the extra income. I wonder if I have gotten too tied up in having it all. Am I making a poor choice for the long term? God forbid, but what if I need to be the breadwinner and this choice sets me back?

I won't lie I worry about getting the kind of job I want when someone looks at my resume and sees the gaps in employment when I have stayed home.  I also won't lie about daydreaming of staying home when I was working and tired and feeling like I needed more time with my boys. In my dream world I have my own business with my own schedule, however I am scared because it is a big risk.

I have been praying about the right path and to be frank I didn't like the answer I got, right now stay home.  Even still  I scheduled a day subbing and quite frankly the day was a disaster in terms of babysitting and things going on at home.   While no one in my family asked me to, I told them I was taking a break that day from subbing.  At the time, one grandmother was in the hospital, my mom was sick and not sleeping much since she was staying in the hospital room with my her.  Then just as the one grandmother got to come home from the hospital the other was hospitalized for a few nights.

Now I spend at least two to three days a week with my grandmothers while Z is in school and I am going to going to work on my ebay store and landscaping business. I am not complaining just stating the facts.  One of my grandmothers is dying and I appreciate the time with her. The other isn't technically dying but is 84 and who knows what God has in store for her.

I have to wonder in light of that fact, why I even worry about it.  Taking care of family is what the generations of women before me did.  Luckily that is not the only thing in life I have been pigeonholed for, I have so many options.  I have faith in God's time I will be very successful, and put that degree to use again. I have faith financial securtiy is in my reach.  I  should simply enjoy my toddler, my preschooler and grandmothers because soon the kids will be in school and the grandmothers in heaven. 

I promise I won't become snobbish!

I have lost count of the number of posts started but not finished.  I guess the overriding thing going on in my life isn't something I am ready to write about. So I should just move on and quit trying to make sense of it I guess.

I know that sounds horribly dark and mysterious, it's not really.  Life around here is pretty good.  Ben has had a serendipitous job change.  Last year he quit teaching and I really hated that he wasn't going to be a band director anymore.  Music has always been his life.  He started off being a music store manager and that ended, which I was glad because it wasn't going anywhere long term.  Then he became a locksmith, almost by default it was the only job that called him back.   Nice people, and he liked the work,  he bored me with long stories about fixing locks.  However it wasn't paying well and his training period was up and due to the fluctuations of a small business the promised raise was no where near what we had been told.  But he still liked the job, and I was looking into doing something more permanent for work. (Other than substitute teaching and ebay.)  Then he was asked to apply for a job as the Manager of the Symphony in the next town north of us. (The town famous for an illegal immigrant crash in 1957.)

It is a perfect fit for his skills it and it more than doubled our income and  put us back to near teacher salary.  (So we aren't rich but not as poor.)  And he loves it so far.  The first concert is in a few weeks.  For the first time in a long time I am worried about having something nice enough to wear somewhere. Although this is the desert southwest, things are still a bit more casual, it don't need a ballgown or anything too fancy.  I haved missed going to concerts this year here in the sticks, we went to quite a bit of the university performances in Las Cruces.

I will admit it is much nicer to say my husband is the Manager of the Symphony.  Although most people we know here have never been to a symphony and have no idea what that means.  Mostly he is in charge of getting the musicians, they are hired from the area, Lubbock, Albuquerque, El Paso and so on.  Lucky he knows so many people from his experience and if not it seems like they knew his dad.  He also does fundraising, and ticket sales and the backstage stuff and whatever the Maestro needs him to do.  I don't think the "Maestro" insists on being called that and is a really nice guy.  Which is wonderful because we have known a few diva's or divos in our day. 

So the bottom line is that I can put off having an actual job a while longer and it gives me time to do what I want and need to do right now.  Hopefully I'll be able to explain and put into words sometime soon what that is, without boring you to tears.  I love it when a plan comes together, especially one better than I had imagined!

We are the Champions

A certain person wanted to know where I've been and it gave me an idea.  I should tell you about it.  Around town, my hometown, doing the things you do here.  Hanging with the family and going to community events.  For instance trying to get a pic of the boys for Christmas Cards. Now I just have to pick one.

I have a lot of family here, most of my aunts and uncles, both sets of grandparents and a plethora of cousins.  No really, if I liked a boy in school, I double checked we weren't related in some way.  My dad has 50 first cousins on one side!

My great-grandparents homesteaded here in the 1890's and while I never thought I would move back here it has a certain charm. There is comfort in that history.  People joke you cannot escape being from here.  I guess it is true, even when I didn't live here, when asked that is where I was from and it usually garnered a response. That town smells (we have a large refinery here.)  You guys have a good football team, or I stopped there once on our way to Carlsbad Caverns (the next town south), and it stinks there. 

If I said one thing this town for, it is undoubtedly football.  Have you ever seen that movie FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS?  It is bit like that.  In fact this past weekend we won our 26th state championship. Which at last count ranked us the 5th most winning high school football team in the nation. The mortar shells from the fireworks during the game going off sounded like we were being invaded.  They do it up big here. You must wear orange and black on game days.  No really I think you can get arrested, I have never tested it but it would seem to be the case. ; )  The town population is around 10,000 and there are around 12,000 people sometimes at a big rivalry football games.

Here's a video highlight for you, from when ESPN filmed one of our games earlier this year. (Sorry I don't know how to make it play on MSN yet) 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCNGkT0JpwI

 

While I know at times growing up, I somewhat resented that all encompassing passion for football, it took moving away to appreciate the generosity and spirit of this town.  I never realized how much more support we had compared to other places.  While I recall feeling neglected as a girl athlete (compared to the boys), talking with other girls we had much nicer things than most other schools.  Same with the school newspaper, we had nicer equipment than the first college newspaper I worked on. The music department has a beautiful auditorium to hold plays and concerts.

While these are just things, there is just a great spirit of community. Whether your house catches fire and four volunteer fire units show up at your house, or you kid gets cancer and everyone gets their car washed to help your family out. I am not going to pretend we don't have problems because we do.

Then there are the simple acts of generosity, I found out this week my son is getting a new bike because the employees of the refinery are giving all 202 kids at Headstart a new bike for Christmas.  Wow.

Sometimes I miss the selection of restaurants, the big chain stores and stuff.  However, there are much some more precious commodities here. I rarely feel anomalous here, wether I know the people around me or not. Generosity, spirit, community,  it's not bad here where I am at.

Do not pass go, do not collect your $2M.

I don't want to start off with an apology, lets just say I had a serious case of writers block.  Or that I have been helping you learn patience, because I am helpful like that  Besides by now I think everyone is used to my prolonged absences.

I have learned a few things in the last month or so.

While I am so white it is my last name, apparantly that does not mean my white blood cells are of a superior quality.  I had a sinus infection/cold that kicked my butt for two weeks solid and $300 uninsured dollars later I finally got some aid from those lovely little antibiotics.  (Community Chest: You are screwed without insurance and must give me all your money.)

I am offically too old to stay up later because it is daylight savings and I get to sleep in  an hour later in the morning.  Two major flaws, I was falling asleep while trying to stay up with the big kids and play monopoly and then the little kids are still getting up at the same time which now translates to 5:00. Yes that is in the am. (Chance: You are too old to be cool and must give the bank back your mp3 player, you probably don't know how to work it anyway.)

The new monopoly is kinda cool, but  inflation has gone up.  You now get $2 M when you pass go.  Instead of Railroads you have airports.  FYI, it is still wise to buy those up.  My lucky Sister-in-law  landed on three her first time around and then we had to pay her  a cool million every time we landed on one.  Oh and the credit card debt and back taxes kept getting my husband.  (Review: Monopoly when you are a kid is fun, now it s frightening!)

If you loose your fake front tooth (that was removable) you will have to be embarrassed for a while, as you wait to get into the dentist.  That was an experience in humilty I'd rather not repeat.  A hard lesson learned about what happens when you don't have all the work done before you switch insurances.  $3K vs 1K seems like a bargain now and a little like that damn Monopoly game. Not that it mattered by the time we got the work done our insurance was gone. (Community Chest: Next time make the trip to Juarez Mexico.)

FYI when you finally get the tooth all repaired, your glasses will inexplieably split in the middle of the nosepiece.  Despite being seen in movies and TV, band aids don't work. to fix that.  A dremel and a piece of metal wire and some super glue are helpful but not completely as super glue isn't all that great at plastic.  Lesson learned, some people will still notice and laugh at you. Make plans to sell that kidney you weren't really using.  (Oops you just landed at Eyemasters, prepare to empty your wallet again.)

Ironically McDonald's has their Monopoly game in October too,  My husband gained at least three pound trying to win by eating lunch there when we had the dough.  Only to win the damn game, not because he likes the food.  Then he had a heart attack and we couldn't afford the bill and had to put him down.  Okay I am just kidding about that.  I wouldn't put him down.

Personally I am going back to candy land.  It doesn't mirror real life.