We Do What We Have To Do

I have decided to redact my application with any question I don't approve of, and try and talk to the person hiring and see how it goes. At this point it is more for curiosity, if I was serious about the job, I probably wouldn't have posted the application on my blog. Sounds like a good way to get dooced to me.

I cannot in good conscious ignore it, nor do I want to cause a big stink without allowing them an explanation. I know two young women in their 20's working for this newspaper. I hope they are not working in an environment that is detrimental to them, and I hope they don't see the ugly side of discrimination against them as women or mothers. (Neither are mothers yet.)

However my zeal for doing something about it, stems from past experiences. I was forced out of a job for being pregnant. For a long time I was very angry, depressed and beat myself up about it. Five years later, I am more philosophical and only regret one thing. That I didn't do something more to stop other people from being hurt by that employer.

It was my first job after college. I was managing a large nursery in one of the mountain resort towns around here. I had a lot of hope for the job, I was growing, selling and hoping to learn more about the practical side of landscape design. I was eager worked 80+ hour weeks and only took one day off a week. I lived on site and for the most part loved it. A few months in I realized the man that I worked for was a little less than honorable, but in my idyllic head that could be worked around too because I really loved what I was doing.

Then the unexpected happened and I found out I was pregnant. Everything changed. My boss was scared and didn't want me to do many things at work. Originally I thought it was genuine concern for my welfare. I even had my doctor speak to him and try and reassure him that all was okay. Then I realized it was due to concern for his bank account. He was afraid I would sue him. He also didn't think I would work so many extra hours on salary once I had a kid. Which is true, I shouldn't have worked that much in the first place, I was just eager and enjoyed what I was doing. What I had thought I was doing to get things set up and going, was expected for all time.

Toward my fourth month or so, when the pregnancy was very evident, it started getting really ugly. Every few days he would strip me of some responsibility, yell at me in front of customers for something stupid, he even wrote me up for moving product on the shelves after he told me not to touch anything. I cried at night to relieve the stress, but I was determined not to quit, even though in no uncertain terms he told me he wanted me gone. I wanted to hear him say you are fired for being pregnant.

Then I went to the doctor for a regular visit and I had lost 15 pounds. I was shocked since I was growing out of clothes. My doctor very pointedly asked if it was on purpose, when I said no, I spilled my guts about what was going on. She is an awesome doc and held my hand and helped me figure out what to do. I called a the number on the Family Leave Act poster around the office and found out the business was too small for them to do anything and then found the appropriate state office. I talked to the counselors and got all the paperwork and even filled it out. The counselor told me they would mediate with him about the job.

My husband needed to spend the summer taking classes to finish his teachers certificate so he could be a full time teacher with benefits in the fall. The school was three hours away. We lived at the nursery, I felt the pressure to make a decision. I lost more weight, but my tummy grew. I got sent for a high definition ultrasound in Albuquerque to find out if everything was okay. We found out the nephew my sister-in-law was pregnant with had a congenital diaphragmatic hernia and might not live. Suddenly my vision cleared and I decided to resign, move off the nursery property, get medicaid and have a healthy baby.

Finding a job was harder than I thought, I applied for temporary positions, and didn't hide the pregnancy. No one wanted to hire me pregnant either. So I wore a long flowing dress, applied at Wal-mart and didn't say anything about my pregnancy and assumed no one would ask. I was hired and they assigned me a back belt thing, I gave it back with a note from my due date to the HR director. She didn't say a word, but was obviously pissed. That day when I sat down at lunch and talked my usual girls, one of whom was the daughter of the HR lady, she literally turned her back on me and refused to speak to me. They didn't like people who used the company and didn't plan on being there a while. I needed a job and couldn't risk them telling me no based on my pregnancy. I don't regret it one iota.

I went to work, missed my husband during the week. Cried more than I care to recall and sang to that baby in my womb. I feared he would be an angry kid, it had seemed like I was upset the whole pregnancy. An older lady I knew that still worked for him saw me at work and said He said you could come back after the baby, I nearly lost it. I am not sure how loud my voice got, but I recall telling her if I wasn't good enough to work for them now, I wasn't going to be later. By the look on her face, I had hurt her feelings, I guess her generation didn't see what all the fuss was about.

I never turned in the paperwork to the Department of Labor, I didn't want my job back. Some of my family and friends thought I should sue him. I didn't want the stress. I worried about getting a bad name in the nursery industry. I relied on divine retribution for him. I need not have worried about my reputation, his was so bad, other people were surprised I lasted a year working there. Divine retribution has occured, mostly I feel sorry for him, he is such a miserable person, that is no way to live.

I hate that it is still going on. Mrs Skrumshz is experiencing it right now. For her sake, and all the others out there I feel a twinge when I see things like that application because we have rules about how people should behave. Often times the cost of enforcing them can be very rough on the victim and it isn't pursued. So I should do something about it when I have nothing to lose.

Five years later, I have made my peace with it. I wish I had checked him out more thoroughly as an employer, but lesson learned. While I really hurt emotionally over it for a while, I am stronger now. Turns out I lost weight during my second pregnancy about the same time, I think it had more to do with my body than the stress. I don't regret doing what I thought needed to do for my child. He was and still is more important to me that a job.

Luckily my fears about him being an angry child were unfounded.