Forgive and Forget

Last week was vacation bible school at my church. This year and last I have volunteered to be a group leader. I get a group of kids and take them from class to class. I really enjoy it, which is kind of odd for me in a way since if asked I will tell you I am terrified of teaching grade school. (Thankfully I have never been asked when subbing.) I don't mind a small group though, and the kids are lots of fun. I just have to keep my teachers pet tendencies under control when we are in the big class and not raise my hand to answer questions. Apparently you are supposed to let the kids answer. (I'd like to think I am smarter than a first grader, ha ha.)

Wednesday's theme was choose forgiveness. I think that theme is so important and of course I want to take it beyond what a first grader understands. Choosing forgiveness, whether it is because you need forgiveness or need to forgive someone else can change your life.

Several years ago, I learned that forgiveness can really change your life. Without giving you all the sordid details, let's just say that my husband and I had a bit of challenging relationship before we were married too. So when we decided to get married after an two year break up some people in my family were not supportive at all. My parents accepted that we had both changed and grown in that time. However one uncle, whom I lived with at the time, did not. He was vehemently oppossed and told me so often. He even refused to come to the wedding. It hurt a lot. It really caused a divide with that family. For a long time it hurt badly and when I would think of them I would get knots in my stomach. I loved them and wished for things to be the way they were before. At some point I chose to let it go, forgive and be forgiven. I no longer felt knots.

One of the most blessed things about my recent trip to Oklahoma was that I saw that uncle for the first time in 8 or 9 years. He cannot travel much anymore, and I have seen my aunt at various family events over the years. When we drove up and surprised them, and I took my boys over to meet him, I was surprised when I couldn't even speak. Because despite any past hurts, I still loved and cared and letting that hurt go so long ago, left us open to have a good visit.

Even in the case of that job I described a while back, where I honestly was wrongly treated, I chose to forgive. That kind of anger was eating me up, quite frankly I was ugly while I held on to it. It wasn't until I forgave that was happy again. When our marriage hit rock bottom, two years ago, someone suggested to me there are some things in a marriage you cannot forgive. However, we found it for each other and moved on. It wasn't easy in either case, I had to let go of some hurts I really wanted to hold on to. Especially the ones that made me feel like I was right and they were wrong.

I have heard a lot of people say, I could never anyone who (fill in the blank) me. I have seen people who wouldn't speak to a sibling over who got what when mom died. I have seen parents fight over a child, for no other reason that they could not forgive themselves or each other. I have also seen families reconciled, broken families healed, because the chose to forgive.

While we use the phrase forgive and forget. The forgetting is the hard part, obviously you want to remember so you don't fall into the same situation again. However if we truly forgive we cannot go about hitting the forgiven on the head with past wrongs either. No matter how good that feels at the moment, it doesn't bring lasting happiness either.

So I challenge anyone who is wronged to choose to forgive and forget. Whoever you need to forgive is probably wrong, but do it for you not them. I recently read a fiction book called The Shack by William P. Young that address forgiveness of an almost unimaginable sort. While I advocate forgiveness, I wonder if I could even approach the forgiveness that the main character in this book is asked to choose. It is rarely easy as even as I write this I can think of a few small hurts I am holding on to, that I need to let go of. As I said it is not easy and I don't pretend to have forgiven perfectly myself.

Sometimes we think choosing forgiveness lets the other person off easy, but in reality the person it frees is you. At some point or other in our lives we have all been the recipient of generous forgiveness for someone we wronged, didn't that feel good? Besides if God can forgive us, then who are we to not forgive someone else.