Forgive and Forget

Last week was vacation bible school at my church. This year and last I have volunteered to be a group leader. I get a group of kids and take them from class to class. I really enjoy it, which is kind of odd for me in a way since if asked I will tell you I am terrified of teaching grade school. (Thankfully I have never been asked when subbing.) I don't mind a small group though, and the kids are lots of fun. I just have to keep my teachers pet tendencies under control when we are in the big class and not raise my hand to answer questions. Apparently you are supposed to let the kids answer. (I'd like to think I am smarter than a first grader, ha ha.)

Wednesday's theme was choose forgiveness. I think that theme is so important and of course I want to take it beyond what a first grader understands. Choosing forgiveness, whether it is because you need forgiveness or need to forgive someone else can change your life.

Several years ago, I learned that forgiveness can really change your life. Without giving you all the sordid details, let's just say that my husband and I had a bit of challenging relationship before we were married too. So when we decided to get married after an two year break up some people in my family were not supportive at all. My parents accepted that we had both changed and grown in that time. However one uncle, whom I lived with at the time, did not. He was vehemently oppossed and told me so often. He even refused to come to the wedding. It hurt a lot. It really caused a divide with that family. For a long time it hurt badly and when I would think of them I would get knots in my stomach. I loved them and wished for things to be the way they were before. At some point I chose to let it go, forgive and be forgiven. I no longer felt knots.

One of the most blessed things about my recent trip to Oklahoma was that I saw that uncle for the first time in 8 or 9 years. He cannot travel much anymore, and I have seen my aunt at various family events over the years. When we drove up and surprised them, and I took my boys over to meet him, I was surprised when I couldn't even speak. Because despite any past hurts, I still loved and cared and letting that hurt go so long ago, left us open to have a good visit.

Even in the case of that job I described a while back, where I honestly was wrongly treated, I chose to forgive. That kind of anger was eating me up, quite frankly I was ugly while I held on to it. It wasn't until I forgave that was happy again. When our marriage hit rock bottom, two years ago, someone suggested to me there are some things in a marriage you cannot forgive. However, we found it for each other and moved on. It wasn't easy in either case, I had to let go of some hurts I really wanted to hold on to. Especially the ones that made me feel like I was right and they were wrong.

I have heard a lot of people say, I could never anyone who (fill in the blank) me. I have seen people who wouldn't speak to a sibling over who got what when mom died. I have seen parents fight over a child, for no other reason that they could not forgive themselves or each other. I have also seen families reconciled, broken families healed, because the chose to forgive.

While we use the phrase forgive and forget. The forgetting is the hard part, obviously you want to remember so you don't fall into the same situation again. However if we truly forgive we cannot go about hitting the forgiven on the head with past wrongs either. No matter how good that feels at the moment, it doesn't bring lasting happiness either.

So I challenge anyone who is wronged to choose to forgive and forget. Whoever you need to forgive is probably wrong, but do it for you not them. I recently read a fiction book called The Shack by William P. Young that address forgiveness of an almost unimaginable sort. While I advocate forgiveness, I wonder if I could even approach the forgiveness that the main character in this book is asked to choose. It is rarely easy as even as I write this I can think of a few small hurts I am holding on to, that I need to let go of. As I said it is not easy and I don't pretend to have forgiven perfectly myself.

Sometimes we think choosing forgiveness lets the other person off easy, but in reality the person it frees is you. At some point or other in our lives we have all been the recipient of generous forgiveness for someone we wronged, didn't that feel good? Besides if God can forgive us, then who are we to not forgive someone else.

Can you please explain to me?

When did I get old?

I have been hurting badly this week. My hip went out. I know, it sounds like something that happens to an eighty year old. I was in enough pain to go the chiropractor and get a massage. Both of which I had never done before and quite frankly made me uncomfortable. Both of which were good experiences and not so bad. I may have to get a real job so I can afford the good life now.

Everyone who sees me painfully get up or sometimes walk asks what happens. Besides slacking on yoga and water aerobics, this is my answer...

Click on the pic to get the big version because while he looks cute and innocent I should tell you he refused to take a nap that day as is more and more the case. I swear he fell asleep in three seconds flat. Notice the one boot on, one boot off and the half eaten granola bar. Please don't notice the dirt on the floor. No really stop looking at it now and go on to the next section. I love him I really do, but I should hire him out to Hoover to test floor mates. I have been through two, maybe because I have to use it fourteen times a day for all the messes he makes.

What is the deal with the commercial for vitamin water?

I want to slap those jerks in the gym crying my water has too many calories. Because mine has none, zero, zip and I like it fine. Maybe I am overexcited because a lady the other day commented my kids were different because they liked water.

or

Now you know I am cheap and don't buy sodas or juice. You might also correctly assume I am jealous of people who actually work out, and whose hips work.

This isn't very timely but it has been bugging me for a while. I hate seeing people on my TV telling me to be green and save the planet when....

They completely change their sets to the color green to emphasize being green and then the next week are back to their old colors. Perhaps you have heard of Recycle, reuse and REDUCE!

or

Maybe I am just trying to justify the fact that I don't recycle glass properly. I have a Rubbermaid tub of it in the back and dream of buying a big machine to tumble into something pretty. Plus I would have to take it to Roswell or Ruidoso or something our city doesn't take it. Don't laugh that I just called Artesia a city, okay laugh it is funny.

Oh and to answer my new friend Weime's question. After all she was the inspiration since a list of these ponderings on her blog. Weeds actually do grow faster, because they outcompete the other plants, one of the characteristics that makes them weedy. They also usually outcompete the native plants for water, sunlight and nutrients. In some ways you could call them genetically superior, but really they are just invaders and usually non native. (I hope that question wasn't just rhetorical.) You thought when I told you I had a degree in Entomology, Plant Pathology and Weed Science it was funny. My mother still cannot say it without giggling.

Night all I am off to hobble to bed, actually I am getting better and better. I might walk like a 60 year old tomorrow. I plan on being thirty again next week or so.