What the Google?

Okay I sat down at the computer to type out lyrics to songs for children's choir tonight. Then I got sucked into a facebook time warp that led to me googling a recently found old high school friend because she is a writer. Google searches can be so entertaining, I think I have a problem.

Have you tried googling people you know? My mother and sister and I spent one entertaining afternoon googling the names of our entire family. Turns out my mom also sells real estate in Florida, who knew?

What about yourself?

I google myself starting with the basic first name and married last name. Really common name, Nora White, get lots of hits. In the past when I googled myself a naughty blond Nora White would come up. (Not me just in case you think I lead a secret double life with the same name.) However she doesn't show up anymore. This is my favorite find from today's search, a cafe press page full of items with this vintage Nora logo on it. I am seriously thinking I should get every item on this page.

I could get my husband and I matching underwear. How awesome would that be?

Let's face it, I show up low on the Nora White google, I didn't even have the interest to look for me past page 2. So then I throw in my maiden name. #1 Hit is my facebook page. #2 is someone who is white and has my maiden name. #3 is an old photo of someone who I don't think is my relative. Of course now I am curious who this other Nora McCaw was and why was she being photographed with Higgenbothams? I also love the google asks Did you mean: Nora McCabe White. Or my favorite, Did you mean: Nora McCall? As if I didn't get enough of people trying to spell my name that way Google.

So after a hard morning wasting time on the Internet and then documenting it on my blog, all I can say is that apparently I am not such a big deal on the Internet, google isn't even sure I want to search for me. ; )

Fright Night

Last night my heart was pounding, I was out of breath and I was shaking hard enough to rattle my necklace. Why? I was practicing the song I was singing for church. My boys were goofing off on stage around me, I couldn't concentrate and it my full attention was not on the task at hand. As I shuttled the boys off to their respective classes, I wished I had never been put on the list to sing a special, even if I landed on the least coveted spot of Wednesday night, the least attended service.

I blame my mother for being on the special music schedule, she thinks my sister and I sing like angels. She really wants us to sing for her in public. In my high school days, singing in front of people was no big deal. I even sang at a few large talent shows in front of several hundred people, sure I was kind of nervous, but nothing like last night. Back then I do recall her pushing things too far in my opinion, asking us to sing everywhere we went, even family functions, I always felt like a show off, often refusing.

Down the road in life after high school, although I kept singing in choirs, I quit singing solos after a embarrassing botched audition in front of a large group of professional singers. In the last ten years, the only times I have sung in public was my grandparents funerals. Nightmares of singing plagued me the night before my grandfathers funeral and vowed to never ever do it again. However I couldn't refuse when nanny joined him earlier this year. As bad luck or fate would have it, it was open mic night at church a few nights later and we repeated the performance for my mom's benefit at church. Then again for my other grandmothers benefit at her church. That is how I ended up on stage last night, someone sweetly added me to the special schedule after that.

I know singing at church isn't really about me, it is about praising God. Technically if I am tone deaf and off beat but my heart is really in it, aren't I pleasing him? My internal Simon Cowell plays back all the bad comments I have ever heard. Why does she think she is so special? Who told her she could sing? Boring, didn't like it, get yourself a real job! Comments not made about me, but I cam imagine in them in a heartless british accent. I ask myself, who do I think I am? I am not Godly and good, I yelled at my kids yesterday, am behind on bills and in general a terrible sinner.

It is very hard to let go and experience the joy I find in singing at home or in choir, when I am by myself on stage. Whether happy or sad, I sing songs and feel uplifted, overjoyed and can lose myself and come out a better person. One of my favorite lines in a song ever is Some midnight hour, when you find yourself in a prison in your mind, SING OUT IN PRAISE and Bless his name. (I Bless Your Name, Elizabeth Goodine.) Which is a reference to Acts 16:22-40. I love that line because it embodies how I feel after I sing, even when my world is crumbling around me, I can release all that negative energy and feel renewed at the end. But that is at home, in my kitchen, usually when I am by myself.

I am afraid I will get so scared of being on stage that I will forget the song I am singing despite the words being on the podium in front of me. I tried to find a few minutes after that heart pounding rehearsal to sit down, relax and pray, not for me that increased my anxiety, for other people, so God could put his hand on my back and tell me it is okay, and for me to believe it.

By the time I went up to grab the mic, my heartbeat was calmer, I had my breath back. When I started to sing I looked around and my nerves ramped up, I heard the quiver in my voice. I saw the beads on my necklace shake violently as I drew a breath. I closed my eyes and shut out the room and just sang. As I got to the last verse, I almost forgot where I was and I was just singing, and I meant it.

Oh Cleanser of the mess I made,
With everything at your feet laid,
I watch as all my cares erode,
And from my soul these words explode

How wonderful your mercy is,
How awesome are your ways,
I come, I come,
To worship you
For all you've done

(For All You've Done, Clint Lagerburg)

Busted!

I got busted wearing my workout clothes all day.

I got busted with a muffin top after not wearing my slimming camisole.

I got busted with frizzy hair.

I got busted not wearing makeup.

I got busted letting my 3 year old wear whatever he wanted.

I got busted caring what some dude from high school thought of how I looked now.

My Best "Girlfriend" Advice on How to be The Best Mom you can be.

I have been thinking about this topic for a while. Yesterday while reading the Parent Bloggers Network, I decided to participate in my first ever Blog Blast. They are trying to find out the truth behind Motherhood in conjunction with the Discovery networks new docu-drama Deliver Me.

I hosted a baby shower for a one of my oldest and bestestest friends ever and I even put together a little book where everyone at the shower was supposed to give their best mommy advice to her. My advice was super super lame, I think I said something about enjoying them because they grow fast. Not that it isn't true, but really she could get that advice anywhere.

When I thought about it the advice I would give a lot of things came to mind. Most of which I probably read before becoming a mom, but I have to learn everything the hard way, through experience.

Motherhood is tough, much harder than I ever knew.

I try to thank my mom all the time and grandmothers all the time. I use the mantra at least I don't have thirteen in reverence to my great grandmother all the time.

Motherhood makes you grow as a person.

I swear God is trying to work on all of my issues through my kids, because apparently you need to be mature to guide them. (Who knew?)

Motherhood is messy.

It hasn't helped me to become the neat freak I someday hope to be, with spilled juice, dirty diapers and toys strewn about. You will care more about poop than you ever imagined.

Motherhood is lonely sometimes.

You will probably feel like no one understands what you are going through or that you can't take one more second of it sometimes. We all do, we all get it and seriously just reach out to me or whoever you need. Okay? You are normal don't beat yourself up about it.

Motherhood doesn't really have any hard and fast rules.

What works for me doesn't always work for you. What worked with kid #1, won't work with kid #2. There will be times when you feel pressured to do something other moms around you at church, daycare or whatever are doing that doesn't work for you. It's okay.

Motherhood is hard to let go of.

Meaning leaving your kids sometimes is the hardest thing you will do, even if it is with mom or hubby. Do it. Trust me, hubby will figure it out given enough opportunity. If he is never on his own with them, he won't be able to take care of them. You need some time on your own on occasion.

However that wasn't the advice I really wished I had given either. This is the thing that continually pops in my head.

Don't fail to have sex with your husband.

Just in case you thought I meant with someone else. : 0

Doesn't exactly sound profound, progressive or even having to do with motherhood, does it?

I think what I am trying to say is in the midst of your body wildly changing, becoming a mother, your breasts being used for a purpose you may have never contemplated before. Not to mention the vjayjay being out of whack.

However I dropped the ball on this one. I think it profoundly affected the next few years. (Now I bet at least one person who reads this will think, no he was the jerk. He was, but the point is we lost a connection before he really got his jerkiness on.) Luckily we worked it out and yes intimacy played a big part in that.

I know what you might be thinking. I need a shower... tell him that, trust me, he will pitch in more readily if he knows what to do. My husband claims he cannot read my mind. Yeah I have noticed that honey.

I know what you might be thinking. Eww my body is fat and flabby now I don't even want to go near it.... imagine you have Cindy Crawford's body or whomever you like, I bet he doesn't even care.

I know what you might be thinking. I will scream if one more person wants to touch me. Get a breather, make sure you are getting some baby free time (see letting go above.)

Most importantly have fun and don't forget to spend some time with the hubby whether you get it on or not. Okay. Really it is that important, our kids deserve to have healthy happy parents.

Just one last piece of girlfriend advice though... don't forget the birth control unless you want another one right away. It happens more often than you might think.